After a long hiatus on the blogging front, I'm finally back. I've been busy with life - school and work mostly, but that's only part of the reason I had stopped writing in this blog. The main reason was mostly due to the title of this post. Motivation, or more accurately, the lack of motivation.
That's been the theme of my life in Tae Kwon Do for the past several months. It's hard to openly admit frustrations and struggles, so instead, I set the blog aside for a while. I wanted to keep this blog positive and upbeat, but life's not always going to be like that. I am not perfect and I have things that I occasionally struggle with. Things that frustrate me. Sometimes I just need to vent or work something out by typing it, so that is what I will do here.
The time leading up to my black belt test was fast paced and intense. I had a huge goal in front of me and everyone was pushing me toward that goal, including myself. The test itself was probably the hardest thing I've ever done, but completely worth it. I accomplished a major goal - not the end goal (since that is continuing to train and improve).
It's the cool down time since the test that's thrown me for a loop. There hasn't really been a specific goal either short or long term that I've set my sights on. Not just that, but it's like the lead up to my black belt test was the upward slope of a roller coaster. Anticipation, nervousness, intensity, training hard. . . everything. Then, after the test, woosh! I've bottomed out on the roller coaster and it's like the rug's been pulled out from my feet.
There's always an adjustment period after a belt test, but this one was a doozy. Everything's different. We don't have a separate class for black belts. This means that the class time that I used to have for me to work - is now me assisting with teaching the students. I don't mind teaching. That's not the point that I'm making. The point is that now I don't have that 1-2 hour time to work, drill, become soaked with sweat and become exhausted like I used to. Yes, I can do those things at home, but in class is where I feel that I really get the work in. Now, time to work is limited to whatever time my instructors and I can stay after class (if any). I know my instructors work and have families and that teaching Tae Kwon Do is something they do for the love of the art, so I feel selfish asking to stay late to work on something after class is over.
It's frustrating. Especially when you add in the fact that one of my main instructors has had to move 3 hours away for work and can't attend class currently. That was a devastating blow in and of itself.
My Tae Kwon Do has never felt like an obligation or a chore. It's always been a passion of mine even when I get frustrated. I feel I've lost the excitement - the anticipation for class somewhat. I don't want this to happen.
I still want to be there and I still want to teach, but I need to find ways to make the most of the training time that I do have and to motivate myself again. I have started lifting weights with one of my instructors and doing some cardio stuff at home which is helping a bit. Now I have to continue to from there....